How should I revise the English sentences below?

Question

I'm not a native English speaker. I don't know where to correct the sentences below. I want the sentences not to be awkward. Could you help me?

The sentences are about my bicycle touring plan, especially the outline of route.
-----------------

East Asia（Japan）
This travel will begin from Tokyo, Japan. I'll arrive at Sata Promontory, Kagoshima before at 6:00 A.M. on Monday, May 6, 2012. An annular solar eclipse will occur on that day. Rain or shine, the great show is worth watching because at least the sky will become dark. The eclipse will also be seen at Tokyo.

East Asia（Except Japan）
After crossing the sea by ferry from Japan to China through South Korea, I will get to the starting point of the Silk Road, Xi'an. Since they say Luoyang is the point, I'll also stop by at Luoyang. Then, I'll go and go toward west. As I go up to the upland desert, there is a big difference in temperature.

Middle Asia
There is still the highland and temperature is low. People in Middle Asia speaks Russian. I'm afraid if I can get a visa.

West Asia
I'll be released from visas in West Asia. I'm planning to get an Azerbaijan visa in Uzbekistan beforehand. I can stay for a while in Georgia and Turkey without a visa.

Europe
I will go into Europe in October or November. Prices are high there. I have many places to visit in Europe, so I'll travel by train for a while. Eurail Pass seems good.

North Africa
I'll go only to Morocco in Africa.

South America
January is a summer season in Southern Hemisphere. Prices are become low. To be honest, I'm not sure if I can keep traveling, because I don't know how much I will cost before entering South America.

Middle America
I'll go only to Mexico in Middle America. From Mexico City I'll head for the United States. I'll buy an airline ticket to Japan beforehand in Mexico City. I can gradually see the end of my travel.

North America
I'll head for Los Angeles as the destination of my travel. If possible, I want to go to the Grand Canyon.

Answer 1

Hey, I'm a straight A student in English so I'll give you a few pointers.

In the begining paragraph, 'this journey', would sound okay. In your second paragraph, 'I'll go toward the west' would be better. In your third paragraph, I would revise it as, 'the people in Middle Asia speak Russian'. On your fourth fifth senctence I would rewrite it as, 'In Africa, I will only visit Morocco'.

In you sixth paragraph, 'Prices are to become low'. In you seventh paragraph, 'In Middle America, I will only visit Mexico.'

Good job, and I hope you have lots of fun!

- Willow

Answer 2

East Asia（Japan）

This journey will begin in Tokyo, Japan. I'll arrive at Sata Promontory, Kagoshima before at 6:00 A.M. on Monday, May 6, 2012. An annular solar eclipse will occur on that day. Rain or shine, the great show is worth watching because the sky will become dark. The eclipse will also be seen in Tokyo.



East Asia（Except Japan）

After crossing the sea by ferry from Japan to China through South Korea (I'm not sure if this would make geological sense, but I don't really know much about the geography of East Asia), I will get to the starting point of the Silk Road, Xi'an. Since they say Luoyang is the point, I'll also stop by at Luoyang. Then I'll go west. As I go up to the upland desert, there is a big difference in temperature.



Middle Asia

There is still the highland and temperature is low. People in Middle Asia speak Russian. I'm afraid if I can get a visa. (This last sentence doesn't make sense to me.)



West Asia

I'll be released from visas in West Asia (The first sentence doesn't make sense to me). I'm planning to get an Azerbaijan visa in Uzbekistan beforehand. I can stay for a while in Georgia and Turkey without a visa.



Europe

I will go into Europe in October or November. Prices are high there. I have many places to visit in Europe, so I'll travel by train for a while. Eurail Pass seems good.



North Africa

I'll only go to Morocco in Africa.



South America

January is a summer season in Southern Hemisphere. Prices become low. To be honest, I'm not sure if I can keep traveling, because I don't know how much it will cost before entering South America.



Middle America

I'll only go to Mexico in Middle America. From Mexico City I'll head for the United States. I'll buy an airline ticket to Japan beforehand in Mexico City. I can gradually see the end of my travel.



North America

I'll head for Los Angeles as the destination of my travel. If possible, I want to go to the Grand Canyon.

Answer 3

basically 2 issues: Use "from" rather of "with the aid of." "with the aid of" is used to label potential of traveling, e.g. "with the aid of bike," "with the aid of practice," etc. It says the form you're attending on your trip spot, no longer the place you're commencing. "From" tells you the place you're commencing. "i'm going to take landscape photos on the way. i'm going to take photos of 360-degree view of the encompassing ecosystem and create a breathtaking photograph." Sounds awkward. combine the sentences. "i'm going to take 360-degree panoramic photos on the way, providing you with a view of the encompassing ecosystem." or "i'm going to take landscape, 360-degree-view photos of the encompassing photograph."