Which language to teach to my child?

Question

Let's say I'm Slovak, my husband is Italian, our common language is French and we live in Hungary. Which language do you think we should teach to our child? At home we mostly speak French, but I don't think that language could be of use to our son, because if we stay living here it would be the best for him to study Hungarian, which none of us speaks or English, which we do speak, but not as native speakers. Do you think it is a shame for a child not to learn his parents' native languages?

Answer 1

First of all, although you seem to be identifying nationality, that doesn't necessarily correspond to native language. Italy particularly has many languages. When I would go skiing in the Dolomites, I'd hear Italian natives speaking Italian, Ladin, German (Tyrolian) and even some Slovenian.



http://www.ethnologue.com/country/IT/languages



So, presuming that you speak Slovak and your husband speaks standard Italian, I think it is a wonderful opportunity for each of you to speak those languages with your son. If you do it from the time he is a baby, he will have native ability in both languages. I'm not quite so judgemental to call it "a shame," but it will definitely be a lost opportunity if you don't.



He will hear you speaking French, so he will probably pick that up as well. French is very useful, but the fact that neither of you have a native accent might be a disadvantage. Some French people are very derogatory about foreigners accents. If you have never had a problem with this Chauvinism, your accent is probably acceptable.



If you remain in Hungary, your son will learn that as well. Consider daycare and playgroups as an advantage.



The only disadvantage of gaining ability in all these languages is that he will have trouble answering the question: "What's your native language." It is possible to be "native" in all these as well as others. I had a Romanian friend who was native in five.



Your son is very fortunate to have you two as parents. I commend your concern.

Answer 2

One parent should speak exclusively to the children in his or her native language, but the other parent should ideally make an effort in learning Hungarian, and speak it with the children exclusively.

Answer 3

The truth is that you don't actually need to teach him at all. If you and your husband speak to him in your native languages as well as French then he will grow up with those three languages. Children are amazingly good at recognising which words are dad's and which ones are mum's. A third one that is common to all will also be easily recognised as a different language.



I don't know how you manage to live in Hungary without speaking Hungarian but your child will have to learn the language of his friends and classmates. It is imperative that you and your husband learn the language of the country where you live.



If you don't speak each other's native language, ( I presume this is what you meant when you said that your common language is French) then now is probably the time to make Hungarian the language that all three of you have in common.



It will be a great boost for your son to be proficient in your three languages but a lack of proficiency in the local language will be a crippling handicap.

Answer 4

Parents should always speak to their children in their native language-contrary to popular belief, they will not get confused, they will associate the languages with each parent. So-your husband would speak Italian to your child, you would speak Slovak. In a family setting, you would all speak French or Hungarian-your children will grow up speaking preferably Hungarian, however, if he grows up there.



I grew up in the United States; my father is from France and my mother is the child of two German immigrant parents (her native language was German and spoke it at home all her life.) From the time I was growing up I spoke French to my father, German to my mother, and English in a family setting. Unlike you we didn't have a fourth bridge language, it was just English (the language they speak in the U.S. obviously ,lol) but occasionally we would slip into either French or German. Both of my parents knew the other language pretty well from hearing it so much.



To this day, I still speak German when talking to my mother on the phone and French when talking to my father. My husband gets so confused when we visit (I now live in the U.K.) because I'll speak to my mother in German then turn around and say something in French to my father and address him in English. It's natural to me, that's how I grew up, but too him it's strange! Lol , good luck!

Answer 5

This is my recommendation based on many of my friends and my own experience:



You should speak to your son in Slovak, your husband should speak to him in Italian and when you are all together, you should speak French. As he is living in Hungary, going to school in Hungary and has Hungarian friends, there is no need to speak to him in Hungarian as he will already be speaking it every day and infact you should not speak to him in Hungarian. All languages will be useful to him, as they give him a basis for related languages and he may not always live in Hungary. Also, if he is not learning English at school, you should speak a bit of that to him at home too.



If you do this, your son will be quite talented in 5 languages which is fantastic and an advantage not many kids have. It will be so useful for him and look great on a CV or resume. Don't deprive him from amazing opportunities like this one.



This is what my friends do who have parents from different backgrounds. I live in an English speaking country so my friends are very good at English from their every day lives and are fluent in their parents' languages and their common languages because they do not speak English at home, only the other languages.

Answer 6

Let him go to school which has Hungarian, and let him speak in Hungarian in public with friends and strangers. talk to your husband in French, talk to your child in your language, and your husband speaks to your child in his language. Switch from English to your languages so your child can get all four languages. It is scientifically proven that multilingual children and adults are more smarter than monolinguals.

Answer 7

I know plenty of people who do not know their parent's mother tongue. There is nothing wrong with it, although the child may be perceived as an outsider when s/he returns to the country his/her parents are from.

Answer 8

First of all, your son has to exist in his present environment -- that means the language of the society he is living in. So he must learn Hungarian. If you and your husband want to talk to him in all of the other languages you use, that would not be a bad idea, either. Children's minds are amazingly flexible and absorbant. He'll be able to learn all of them. And in the long run, he'll be better for it.