Could any English native speaker check this out?

Question

I wrote a cover letter in English since I am about to apply for a position abroad. Since English is not my mother tongue, I would be glad if some English native speaker could give a look at it.
Does it flow enough?

Any tips are welcome!!

Dear Sir/Dear Madame,


Herewith I would like to express my interest in taking part to the XXX programme.

My name is XXX and I graduated in Education Sciences two years ago.
Before and after my degree, I spent quite a long time in India working with NGO’s mainly involved in educational development projects.
In the future, I would like to work within socio-educational sector, related to learning disabilities, children at risk and social marginalization.
As part of my plan, I am taking two on-line short scheme modules with the XXX, member of the University of XXX. Even if the University has a strong focus on African and Oriental regions, the courses I am attending - XXX -have a rather wide focus. I decided to attend them in order to give more technical and management skills to my pedagogical studies.
I believe, indeed, that such skills can play a crucial role in order to reach effective outputs within the social sector.

Ideally, I would like to take a Master Degree related to socio-educational area, possibly in the USA where there is a very strong and flourishing educational and social practice research.
Notwithstanding, at the moment I would rather have this experience with XXX in order to explore more in depth the socio-educational context in order to understand which particular sector/s I could better suit in the future.
Doing so, it would be easier to me to make up my mind and eventually select the Master Degree or even PhD more appropriate/respondent to my interests.

Moreover, to be part of this programme would give me not only the chance to have an authentic job experience within the context I studied for, but also to share my daily experiences, feelings and doubts with the American coworkers probably more experienced than me in this field.
Indeed, I believe that a good team work, particularly in such contexts, can positively affect the outputs of the job.
I have never been to the XXX so far but I am very excited about living there for 12-18 months or even longer. Moreover, through my stays abroad I developed a very good ability at adapt and communicate in multicultural environments and I am therefore looking forward to be part of it.

I would like to thank you in advance for considering my application and I am looking forward to your response.



I look forward your help!!
Thanks a lot!

Answer 1

Dear Sir



(more acceptable)





I would like to express my interest in taking part to the XXX programme.



(Herewith not really neccesary)



My name is XXX and I graduated in Education Sciences two years ago.

I spent quite a long time in India before and after my degree, working with NGO’s mainly involved in educational development projects.

In the future, I would like to work within socio-educational sector, related to learning disabilities, children at risk and social marginalization.



(changed the word order in the second paragraph in order for it to flow a bit better)



As part of my plan, I am taking two on-line short scheme modules with the XXX, member of the University of XXX. The University has a strong focus on African and Oriental regions, however, the courses I am attending - XXX -have a rather wide focus. I decided to attend them in order to give more technical and management skills to my pedagogical studies.



(small gramattical changes about the University)



I believe, indeed, that such skills play a crucial role in order to reach effective outputs within the social sector.



(removed "can", unnecesary)



Ideally, I would like to take a Master Degree related to socio-educational area, possibly in the USA where there is a very strong and flourishing educational and social practice research.

Notwithstanding, at the moment I would rather have this experience with XXX in order to explore more in depth the socio-educational context in order to understand which particular sectors I could better suit in the future.

Doing so, it would be easier to me to make up my mind and eventually select the Master Degree or even PhD more appropriate and respondent to my interests.



(removed /'s, not really used in formal English)



Moreover, to be part of this programme would give me not only the chance to have an authentic job experience within the context I studied for, but also to share my daily experiences, feelings and doubts with the American coworkers probably more experienced than me in this field.

Indeed, I believe that a good team work, particularly in such contexts, can positively affect the outputs of the job.

I have never been to the XXX so far but I am very excited about living there for 12-18 months or even longer. Moreover, through my stays abroad I developed a very good ability at adapt and communicate in multicultural environments and I am therefore looking forward to be part of it.



I would like to thank you in advance for considering my application and I am looking forward to your response.



(No edits to the last part.)





Pretty good! I would never guess that English wasn't your first language!

Answer 2

Herewith I would like to express my interest in taking part to the XXX programme.



My name is XXX and I graduated in Education Sciences two years ago.

Before and after my degree, I spent quite a long time in India working with NGO’s mainly involved in educational development projects.

In the future, I would like to undertake work within the socio-educational sector, that is related to learning disabilities, children at risk and social marginalization.

As part of my plan, I am taking two on-line short scheme modules with the XXX, member of the University of XXX. Even if the University has a strong focus on African and Oriental regions, the courses I am attending - XXX -have a wide focus. I decided to attend them in order to give more technical and management skills to my pedagogical studies.

I believe, indeed, that such skills can play a crucial role in order to reach effective outputs within the social sector.



Ideally, I would like to take a Master Degree related to socio-educational area, possibly in the USA where there is a very strong and flourishing educational and social practice research. - dont understand that bit

Notwithstanding, at the moment I would rather have this experience with XXX in order to explore more in depth the socio-educational context in order to understand which particular sector/s I could better suit in the future.

Doing so, it would be easier to me to make up my mind and eventually select the Master Degree or even PhD more appropriate/respondent to my interests.



Moreover, to be part of this programme would give me not only the chance to have an authentic job experience within the context I studied for, but also to share my daily experiences, feelings and doubts with the American coworkers more experienced than me in this field.

Indeed, I believe that a good team work, particularly in such contexts, can positively affect the outputs of the job.

I have never been to the XXX so far but I am very excited about living there for 12-18 months or even longer. Moreover, through my stays abroad I developed a very good ability to adapt and communicate in multicultural environments and I am therefore looking forward to being part of it.



edited it a tiny bit just a few words changed really

Answer 3

Ok, I would say this letter is far to long for an application, you want to keep it short and to the point while keeping information that is applicable to the positions and a little of your reasons for your choices.



You tend to use words that are not helpful in any way such as "Herewith", "Ideally", "Notwithstanding" and "moreover", I would remove these words.



"Ideally, I would like to take a Master Degree related to socio-educational area, possibly in the USA where there is a very strong and flourishing educational and social practice research.

Notwithstanding, at the moment I would rather have this experience with XXX in order to explore more in depth the socio-educational context in order to understand which particular sector/s I could better suit in the future." This says to me that you intend to use xxx to gain experience with no desire to stay long term and this could be detremental to your application.



I would go in deeper but time is against me - Good luck

Answer 4

Your English is super and I couldn't find any errors except that 'Herewith' is outdated. I would like to make a suggestion about it as a cover letter. The letter focuses on you and things you have done or want to do. Try rewriting it so it focuses on how you and your skills can help the company you want to work at. Relate your skills to those needed by the company and try to make it shorter (less than 1 page). Take out anything about future or current education unless it directly relates to the position you want. A cover letter should make the HR people interested enough to read your resume which is where you can give more details about yourself. Also, addressing the letter to a specific person is better. Good luck!

Answer 5

Other people have made many corrections, up to you which you choose to incorporate.



I'll comment that "oriental" is not a commonly used word - it is now rather politically incorrect. A better word would be "Asian", or narrow it down further "East Asian", "South East Asian", whatever.



I would also get rid of "moreover", "notwithstanding", "herewith", "indeed" etc, as there are unecessary "fillers" and do not add to your application. More words = less concise.

Answer 6

I hereby, XXXXX, tenured Professor of the Chair General Didactics and Distance Formation Techniques at the Faculty of Formation Sciences at XXXXXX, according to the request of Miss. XXXX , to assess her competencies, experiences, skills and motivations and their coherency with the formative path to set within the MA XXX at the XXX in London, state: During her training Miss. XXX , scheduled within her university career, acted as Tutor of the academic class General Didactics. She co- ordinated groups of students in the elaboration of research project pertaining to the same course. Particularly, her activities were: • helping the students to create work-groups • monitoring the works assigned to the students • reporting elaboration of the work done by the students • administering final exams, seeing to their correction and drafting a report, related to the exams, of pedagogical indicators such as standard deviation and square chi. • helping the Professor to select candidates for the Human Resources Master that he would later hold. She also managed to develop relations and team-work competencies, she managed to lead work groups towards achievement of shared aims revealing good strategical skills to work with responsibility and conscience, in complicated situations. As well as the skills so far mentioned, she could ascertain a deep interest about didactical planning and organization. During her university career, she highlighted the wish to be a valid support in the future to educational planning in the developing countries. In this respect, I am confident that the MA she is applying for will be a valuable opportunity for her to reflect upon and learn how to use the academic abilities which she has gained in an international context but keeping in mind how economic policies determine different educational development scenarios.